good night

man, i wish i could stop time like a photograph
every joke that he told, i'd know to laugh

coincidence has a sense of humor

(i'm not talking about fate or destiny)

i think coincidence wanted me to say, "hello"

ice cream daydreams

no lie. it's hot in the office, it's hot in brooklyn, it's hot everywhere.

bi-coastal gchat discussions about thrifty ice cream and mister softee, suddenly remind me of spain slightly over a year ago. the unbearable heat in the hostel room that nicky and i shared in barcelona. no a/c...only an electric fan that could only be plugged in one part of the room, barely creating movement of air. going back to the ice cream connection...i smile thinking of the time we lost nicky and ken for a good half hour on a crowded street because they got distracted by cheap gelato.

waking from daydreams of travel memories and returning to the present day: can't wait until the visit to san diego next week. hopefully it can involve ice cream.

seriously LoL

everyone else who was there knows...homeboy was unbelievably awkward! estelle with all her graciousness said, "give it up for matt...for trying."

i'll probably send him the one pic i got. at least he'll have something to show in exchange for the embarassment.

speaking in song

recent gtalk convo w/ the bro...

then i think of the great john mayer who says
"say what you need to say."

either way sucks...
as the great goapele says
"well it's a catch 22,
damned if you don't, damned if you do"

(applauding)

much like john legend
i just don't care

john legend also said "i can change"

as lynyrd skynyrd says
"lord help me, i can't change!"

as his google profile says, my bro enjoys using song lyrics as metaphors for life.

side step

i ain't in no hurry

zoom out

in response to in response to sunday's best



a completely unplanned LIC collabo photo series!

mid-sections of 366

i was cracking up when i read owen's comment on 366! if i actually had a segment called "mid-sections of 366", this is what it would look like...






that was a lot of mid-sections! i take shots like these because 1) people can be timid about getting their picture taken and 2) i once read in a photo blog that a way to get a different perspective is to "shoot from the hip" without looking. this second reason is how i got the red stripe shot...a photo which has come to be one of my faves.

a fleeting moment

there was a moment today
of genuine happiness
when i forgot about
broken hearts or
worrying so much

we were chatting
and laughing
then we parted ways

as i drove off
it suddenly hit me
how much i miss
you being a part
of our everyday lives

still in my head

and my affection?
well it comes and goes
i need direction to perfection
no no no no

moments with music

enjoying the nano on shuffle last night:

"one in a million" - aaliyah
"just friends (sunny)" - musiq soulchild
"tell me" - groove theory <3
----------------------------------
on my way to meet melissa for our saturday morning run, one of nicky's favorite songs "drift away" came onto the radio...

Your rhythm and rhyme and harmony
You've helped me along
Makin' me strong

it was comforting and reminded me to be grateful that he's getting better. nicky, soon enough you'll be "stronger!" [like a year ago in ibiza...=)].
----------------------------------
too many concerts, so little time...

aug 12 robin thicke @ mezzanine
sept 3 estelle @ the independent
sept 27 JOURNEY! @ shoreline

what are we talking about here?

the inside is more important than the outside

i don't know if i want this or that...

you gotta be clear about what you want
makes it easier when opportunities are presented to you

i don't know. i just know it when i see it

how did you like this last one?

wasn't for me

don't worry, there will be others.
wait, are we talking about apartment hunting or love?

we did good

not intending to be conceited or anything, but wanted to share this convo that frances & i had with one of our freshman (when we were seniors):

awww you guys are awesome

hahaha, yah...we know

no seriously, your class is our favorite class!
josh, eugene, and i always talk about how it was
when you all were around and
how we're gonna be like you when we're seniors.

=)

the decisive moment

there is nothing in this world that does not have a decisive moment

thanks for reminding me about this concept earlier this week kevin! it worked out well because i know that other photo-a-day companions are starting to realize that moments to get that perf shot are incredibly fleeting.

in photography class, we saw hundreds of slides from many of the masters. one of them was henri cartier-bresson, a pioneer of street photography and master of candid portraits. not only did he create an inspiring body of photographic work, but he also gracefully articulated this concept of the decisive moment in photography:

"There is a creative fraction of a second when you are taking a picture. Your eye must see a composition or an expression that life itself offers you, and you must know with intuition when to click the camera. That is the moment the photographer is creative. Oop! The Moment! Once you miss it, it is gone forever."

isn't that crazy to wrap your head around? one solitary instance when elements of the world come together in a stunning way that can be immortalized through photography or otherwise reduced to memory. i love the potential to seize the decisive moment, but in attempting to do so there are so many more chances i frustratedly miss out on. such is photography...and life. it is worth it to keep trying for those moments.

one more quote from hcb...

"To take a photograph is to align the head, the eye and the heart. It's a way of life."

randomly a few weeks back some guy sitting next to me on bart between west oakland and city center said something similar about the mind and the heart needing to be the best of friends. my mind has known where i want to be for a while. it's just my heart hasn't quite caught up to speed. or maybe it's the other way around?

gentlemen and douchebags

in conversations with lady friends, we often mention these two categories. sad to say that the latter is getting more usage...

1) is he a d-bag?

well, he can be d-bag-ish.

i think every guy can be d-bag-ish.

2) do you like him? do you like him enough to forgive him for being a d-bag?

*sigh* i think so.

i don't know why the term finds its way into the convo. there are probably more appropriate terms to use in these instances. while this isn't a good enough reason to use it, john mayer once blogged:

It feels good to say, "douchebag. " It's got two different plosive sounds, the "D" and "B", and nicely wedged between is a wonderful "sh."

or maybe it's being used more because it's the douchebags of the world that get more exposure. i stumbled across an episode of "shot of love 2" a long while ago in which the nicest guy gets kicked off the show and all the other contestants are crying and upset. but the tears are no consolation, because who is left with a chance to still get the girl? the d-bags! what is that saying about what popular culture values? you can get further by being a d-bag? that's so unfortunate.

but if every guy can be d-bag-ish, i also believe that every guy can be a gentleman. i think every walk home or "let me get you a water" on the dance floor is very much appreciated. just continue to give us more of these reasons to trade in the d-word in for the g-word. the world will be a much better place.

at musing's end

i watched this after coming home from seeing goapele on thursday night. her songs and this video got me in a bit of a sappy mood. i promise it's not overly cheesy though.

i've met the guy who wrote and directed this (the six degrees: he's the cousin of a friend's ex-boyfriend). after seeing this though...all i gotta say is what a freakin romantic. but who hasn't let their daydreams of love wander to musing's end?

sibling shenanigans

alex: mom refused a free BART ticket from baron davis! (see 1:45 of the above clip)
he's convinced it's her on the left, but i have my doubts
and of course she DOESN'T remember this happening, but says she would have taken free tickets if they were offered

after the finals game finished last night...
alex: let's do fitness tv on demand
me: which program should we do?
alex: carmen electra hip hop! YES!

this morning...
me: you stole my lunch!
alex: i, i, i
me: ANYTHING'S POSSIBLE!
alex: there can only be one
me: you look good tonight michelle!
alex: ahahahahaa
alex: dude
why is your lunch so tiny
starving
i may have to hit the farmer's market
me: ahaha that's what you get for stealing it
alex: $6
for half a jerk chicken
the chocolate crossaints
and muffins
are to die for

oh yah...it's monday

acquired on this necessary three-day weekend
- slight tan from calpoly sloooo commencement ceremony :)
- a HELLA magenta dress to wear to vegas :D
- and unfortunately, a sore throat :(

and on this monday
- burned my tongue on hot water (that i was drinking to soothe the throat)
- got trapped in the BART system on my way home from a mtg in the city (70 minutes to get from montgomery to daly city!)
- and didn't get tickets to the "wall-e" promotional screening :(

me, a year ago

randomly logged into the xanga today after a loooooong while and saw my second to last entry:

if i know one thing right now, it is this: life has never been more unpredictable than at this moment. and it's not that i have no idea what i want to do with my life or that i don't have a plan. i actually have a fairly decent idea of what i want in the long-run. it's what can happen day-to-day until the long-run that makes life now so crazy.

when i thought i didn't get into this volunteer program, i bought a roundtrip ticket to san diego for christine's wedding. roundtrip...a cycle, a circle, coming and going the same way. but fate twists and it seems for now i'm over with cycles: academic, emotional, or what not. for now, i don't have any set routes, any commitments, any routines.

after exchanging my roundtrip ticket, here i am with only a one way ticket to nyc. i will definitely be back, just not necessarily the same way i left.

that was me early june 07: back from the graduation parties in san diego, berkeley life boxed up in the garage, days in the u.s. numbered, wondering how the hell i was gonna pack for a summer out of this country. more than that, i was just so damn eager to change up my rhythm & get a new perspective. with a year passed since then, i happily see most of the dreams i had in mind fulfilled. and the few that weren't...well, i guess the events of this year changed me, and thus changed my mind. or maybe more appropriately...changed my heart. what felt right a year ago, suited me a year ago. me a year ago: high off possibilities and unable to even imagine what experiences the next month would bring. me today feels overwhelming drawn to chill moments, subtle charm, and certainty (not to say my adventurous, wanderlust days are over).

different phase in life
different expectations
different wants

and i'm glad

if only...

...we could always

eat/drink/dance/laugh together

but we're ambitious, or some ish like that...haha

i guess the miles & months that separate us only make weekends like this THAT much more special.

(congrats to the class of 2008! it's your turn to enjoy the life)

post-collegiate life

thinking of the graduations and finals and job searching that some friends are going through right now, i can honestly say that i'm really glad to be in this immediate post-college phase. i don't understand why i heard some people say this time sucks. HA! this time is nice: low stress & drama plus a little extra money to spend here & there.

and to prove my point...check out the major decisions i need to make in the near future:

should i wear regular running gear or a costume to bay to breakers on sunday?
should i go on the vegas trip in june?

decisions, decisions...

living and dealing with hypocrisies

EVERYBODY has them.
some hypocrisies are too deeply ingrained in my life and personal history to even do anything about. i mean, how do i justify...

...practicing a religion that was imposed on my native people by colonizers?

OR

...a berkeley education paid for my father's pharmaceutical sales income?

i'm fully aware of these hypocrisies (or maybe they're more ironies?), but i have decided to leave those be.

then there are those that i know i can choose to make different. what is integrity and credibility anyway? in my mind i know it includes deed following word, and vice versa. which is one of the main reasons i'm planning on making the move back to the east bay. i work for an org that hopes to decrease the effects of climate change by creating better transportation and land use options. all the while, here i am driving my mini-suv to bart and commuting 2 hours a day! some people (esp. my family) don't understand my logic on this. bottom line: i'm living with these inconsistencies and will adjust for them as necessary.

-------------------------------------
came in late with watching "the wire," but enjoying it so much now. i love the bits of street philosophy especially when it speaks to what i've been thinking. just watched episode 6 from season 2 where d'angelo in a prison book club discusses the great gatsby:

He's saying that the past is always with us: where we come from, what we go through, how we go through. all that shit matters. It's like you can change up, you can say you somebody, you can give yourself a whole new story. But what came first is who you really are. And what happen before is what really happened. And it don't matter that some fool say he different...cuz the only thing that make you different is what you really do, or what you really go through...Gatsby, he was who he was and he did what he did. And cuz he wasn't ready to get real with the story, that shit caught up to him.

-------------------------------------
in other camille hypocrisies...WHAT THE EFF was i thinking on saturday? had a fitness afternoon running around gg park and playing soccer & ultimate with the co-workers. then ruined it all with an evening of over-partying that ended badly (to say the least). sore muscles and hungover is never a good combo. that ish caught up with me, and i paid for it.

opposites

hands down one of my favorite blogs right now is "the glamourbaby trails" by ruby of ill-literacy. ever since her "SAVE CHIVALRY. Please?" post, i've been following pretty regularly.

in a recent post, she wrote about being ruled too much by her emotions when she writes. that struck me because i'm the exact opposite...worrying that i'm too ruled by composure. i looked at my blog in the past couple months, and found that no where do i reveal the overwhelming joy & gratitude i've been feeling during this time. that kind of stuff i usually hide away in my head or the journal. so proclaiming now to share more of my emotional vulnerability...which i should not confuse with weakness but think of as revelations of the heart.
----------------
pre-pcn @ venus on shattuck: raspberry & chocolate chip pancakes plus chicken sausage scramble brunch shared by two "more-than-twin-best-homies" (self-proclaimed due to similar life circumstances like becoming the presidents/execs of their respective student cultural organizations). two dear friends who are similar in many ways, but very different in others.

one plays with the concept of being single right now because she's been in relationships for most of the past 5 years: "there are some goals that i feel like i need to accomplish on my own." the other who has been single responds "yah, it's cool doing your own thing, but sometimes there's some adventures that are better shared with another person." they sip their hot cocoa and ponder the enigma, not with self-pity but with self-awareness because whichever circumstance it is...life is still so good right now.

unphotographable: all aboard!

i stand in the queue for the first door of the first car of the approaching train, as i do every morning.

the train slows to a stop. the driver's window opens and instead of the usual middle-aged grumpy bart employee, an excited 10-year old kid sticks out his head to look down the platform. as we file into the train, he yells out, "all aboard!"

the typical blank zombie stares of morning commuters change to smirks as our assistant conductor announces over the pa system in the most enthusiastic voice, "good morning! welcome aboard the richmond train!!"

i love take your kid to work day.

sailing on

cool/funny things about my office

been meaning to share these things that i think are distinct to being part of a small, young nonprofit in the bay area...

- when i called the executive director to tell him i was taking the job, he responded by saying, "yaaaaaaaaay!"

- a good amount of my co-workers are vegetarian or vegan (maybe 45%). which has introduced me to souley vegan on 13th (between franklin & broadway); bbq tofu never tasted so good.

- we compost!

- nobody drives directly to work

- we have communal food and snacks in our kitchen...and a george foreman grill!

- on the 2nd week of work, my ed came into the office and almost scolded me for not having my workspace set up ergonomically

it's been one month since i started working and if you couldn't tell...i really like my job. :)

two-minute date

yes brit was on "himym" last week, but this was the highlight of that episode

damn good satire

if you're tired of the kind of "satire" that was coming out of colorado recently, let me direct you to some well done satire to be excited about.


due to the great connections of the fabulous frances, i luckily scored a spot at the presentation of "harold & kumar: escape from guantanamo bay" at this year's sf int'l asian am film fest.

yes, you loved the first one, and trust me the second one does not disappoint. even before anyone shows up on screen, you will be cracking up as the opening credits and music begin to roll. during the q&a after the movie, john cho explained that the writers consciously wrote in more of the political and racial jokes for this film when they got feedback from audiences after the dvd release of "white castle." and while the movie is simply sharper and smarter than the first, it still has a lot of the lewdness and ridiculousness you enjoyed from the original.

when watching the film, take note of the excellent details like the song selection for scenes, a flashback to h&k college years, and probably my favorite part: the reference to ! a must see movie in april!

that kid from colorado could take a lesson in satire from this movie and not to mention another damn good satire: the musical "ave q."

the working woman edition!

a short blog to conclude "the unemployment edition" of the camilleeon chronicles.

a few months, many online searches, a dozen applications, one bite, a pair of interviews, and wa la..."the working woman edition" begins!

some details: commuting to downtown oakland via BART and working for a cool nonprofit that does planning and transportation policy work across the bay! how perfect is that! (not the long commute) but really happy to find a first job that fits my interests and ideals.

suddenly life is on "busy" mode again, and while work has been chill so far this is truly a great first weekend to be excited about: getting paid on friday (for my first 4 days of work...haha), multiple birthday celebrations, and harold & kumar 2 screening (w/ an appearance by mr. cho himself)!

low valleys and high mountains

...and it finally feels like i am slowly making my way up.

round II interview went well, so here's hoping i'll soon be part of the downtown oakland crew.
----------------
i'm looking at my calendar and it has a lot of race day registration dates on it.

yesterday was the first day to register for the nike women's marathon random drawing. holla back ladies who wanna run the half! (although guys can run it too)

prices for the sf half see their first increase after the 15th.

and last day of early registration for the bay to breakers is the 31st!

is it weird that i wanna spend my first pay check on new running shoes and race registrations? o_O
----------------
random ending note:
last night, i watched american idol for the first time in a LONG time. it was alright...nothing too impressive. used to always watch it with the parents back in high school. even though i have the mp3, watching this moment from season 1 still WoWs me.

a tuesday night out?!?

random, i know...but in the end good times to launch 2008's sfiaaff

dexter: "how's post-college life? it sucks, doesn't it?"

they played this song! definitely the feel good song of this week. and i love how kanye works in some british lingo & allusions.

while people happily rubbed elbows with band members of bento, everyone was secretly hoping that john cho was gonna be there.

unphotographable

this is a picture i did not take of a german shepherd driving a forest green suv side-by-side with my friend's black prius down san pablo avenue on a warm winter's saturday night, for a moment we ignore the reality that the dog is sticking his head forward from his place in the back seat, and laugh at how convincing this cool canine looks cruising down the street.

(inspired by this site)

equal opportunity employer

"people of color and women are strongly encouraged to apply"

damn, i'm both!

wouldn't it be cool if instead of a man of color or a woman for the democratic nominee, it was a woman of color?

one day...

quickies before super/ fat tuesday

sharing time: i was telling my dad about how i know someone on the cover of this week's TIME mag and explained the headline. in response he got to talking about how about how young people are tired of the old politics. then he continued by saying, "you know what young people call old politicians in the philippines? trapo." short-hand for traditional politicians while poking fun by referring to them as washed up rags.

what's new: for the first time my dad & i are both supporting the same candidate. it's very strange, my dad...the bill o' reilly-watching reagan republican, who i will argue with anger if we talk about the current president...wants to vote for barack in november. granted our reasoning is different, but yah that's a new one.

song dedication: by the late great sam cooke

i still dream...

everyday and every night. and i don't think they're false hopes.
i think they're future realities.

words

- i wish i had the right words for when someone says they're sorry. "don't worry about it, i forgive you." gotta come up with something better to make them feel that.
- i also wish i had the rights words to convey that i feel sorry.
-have you ever had a conversation where someone says something small & brilliant, but once it is said you know you will remember & keep it with you for a while? i wanna do that more often

intima[see]

although i knew it was going to be personal, it's more so than i could have imagined. the subjects i choose, the photo i pick at the end of the day...it all reflects my thought process, my mood. and there it is for everyone to see!

thanks everyone for all the comments (whether on the site or in person) about 366!

i can't take this any more! i had to break some of the silence on the blogging front.

saturday night was truly enjoyable. hilarious moments at dinner thanks to the loud and eccentric italian waiters. not to mention, all you my fun-loving company of family & friends who dared to venture out in such dangerous weather conditions (foreal it was a risk: the car in front of us on our way into the city hydroplaned, swerved right doing a 180 across 3 lanes and finally hit the wall on 280). but after that ordeal...good times fo sho! sip was an odd little place. didn't they play huey lewis & the news at one point? haha. honorable mention "moment of the night": as lock jaw survivors, wally and i pledge to organize a 5k run for tmj! details soon to follow.
----
feel good track of the week: herbie hancock's "stitched up (featuring john mayer)" off the possibilities album. not a new song, but i just recently came across it. hh's cool piano playing plus playful vocals by jm make jazz still fresh today. i love it! (i'm tempted to write about how much i love jm, but i could write a WHOLE other entry on that...maybe next time)

anywho, this is part of the soundtrack to the job application process. motivation is up these past two days, so i gotta keep riding the wave!
----
2007 was personally exciting in so many ways, but 2008 is gonna be big too. ballots are out this week people, so rock that vote. barOck that vote if it moves you to. i don't quite agree with some of his voting record, but damn...he knows how to make you feel for this country and government again. my take on leadership: the person on top does not single-handedly change things, but rather sets a tone for the work to be done.

New Year, new year

on having my birthday at this time of year...

pros:
- a New Year is basically a new year in my life. everything feels fresh and exciting for 2 reasons
- i can cozy up/be lazy inside on a cold winter's bday
- people can easily remember it because it's so close to new year's

cons:
- sometimes victim to double gifting (my birthday is 9 days after christmas people)
- it's too cold to do activities outside
- people can forget amidst the holiday hype

thanks for the bday love! hope to see some of you saturday!

(i hope you all have checked out my 365 blog. thought it was fitting to do a self-portrait today. portraiture is not one of my strengths. i really struggled with that project in my photography class, but i gotta practice! if you're willing to help me with that, i'd love to shoot you one of these days)