we can work it out

1. we walk down the stairs to the platform of the 16th street bart station. our cousin has dismissed us from her birthday celebration earlier than expected due to the departure of half of the party, too long a wait for a bowling lane, and consideration of our work schedules the next day.

"pittsburg/bay point train in 2 minutes," my brother points out on our right. i look to our left and see, "daly city train in 2 minutes." perfect timing.

as our respective trains approach, we exchange a high five and side hug. small gestures of consolation and comfort to counter the heavy weight of grief in the air this week. we go our opposite directions.

2. buskers begin announcing their performance on the other end of the train car. they are raising funds for some reason or another. as i fiddle with my phone, they start to play a crowd-pleaser. it's the beatles. like many on this train, i've probably heard this song hundreds of times before. but when they get to these lyrics, the words seem to echo in my ears and head...

"life is very short, and there's no time 
for fussing and fighting, my friend"

3. the internet on my phone or nextbus doesn't seem to be working, and so i start my walk home from rockridge bart. i'm stopped in my tracks by something i have never noticed before. four familiar faces in a window with words that remain too true:

mayer tuesday

"if i ever get around to living

it's gonna be just like i dreamed

i'm gonna take the love i'm given

and set it free

if i ever get around to living

i'll take the end of everyday

tie it up to every morning

and sail away...

when you gonna wise up boy?

you are hiding in your mind

working all the time

trying to make it better 

than you got it

and you've been spending all your time

searching for a sign

that's never gonna look

the way you want it

think you better wise up boy" 

on hipsta/gram

"A good image is created in a state of grace, the late photographer Sergio Larrain said. I remember looking at the image on Photoshop when I got home and realizing grace was underexposed and then adding a vignette and stripping out all the color and cranking up the contrast to make grace presentable. It was the perfect moment but not the perfect photograph. Grace needed fakery to become graceful...

you no longer need high-altitude software like Photoshop like I did, no longer need expensive hardware to crash photography’s beauty party. This is the final stage of a revolution, the democratization of what used to be professional photography, and its hippest, most boring propagandists use Hipstamatic and Instagram."

~matt pearce, "shoot hip or die" 

stumbled upon this intriguing essay a few days ago. having been absent from facebook, twitter and instagram in the past 40+ days, it made me question, "what the heck are we doing with these tools?" do they really make the images better? does this filter help to truly capture the essence of this moment?

even though i haven't looked at my account in a while, one thing i know: i can't say i'm really proud of any photos i've taken via instagram. in fact, i might say that i'm more ashamed of the uncensored banality of most of the photos i have posted. was it necessary to take a photo of my breakfast, stylize it with the valencia filter and share it with fifty of my friends? no, not at all.

i do think it's possible for cell phone photography can be art, but i'm starting to realize that maybe instagram and the like are not my ideal tools for visual storytelling.

reclaim the atmosphere

and today we'll crucify the fear 

as love reclaims the atmosphere

be honest in transition when preparing for the feast

send blessings to your critics and careful with the least of these

a hectic past several months.

busying myself in oakland, pacifica, san francisco, napa, santa barbara, nola, motown, vegas, san diego
with bridesmaid duties, happy hours, live music, holidays, football games, work transitions, food (always lots of food) and maintaining important relationships in my life.

the latter especially leaving me thinking, thinking, thinking about if/how/when i did and did not do my due diligence to make sure these people know they are loved, appreciated, understood, and valued.

then the january calm arrived and i guess i expected the stillness to equate to peace of mind. but instead it felt more like holding my breath.

and with february, could it be finally a sigh of relief? clarity (thank you, jm) at the very least.