himyf

the year 2035

kids, i'm gonna tell you an incredible story.

25 years ago, (before i was mom) i had this whole other life.
it was waaaay back in 2010, i was half the age i am now...on my way to becoming a city planner and living in oakland with your auntie frances, auntie bev and mochi, auntie bev's dog.

it was great. we were young college grads, traveling as often as our vacation accruements & disposable incomes would allow, and only really certain of our favorite bar in the city.

don't get me wrong though. our early twenties weren't all handshakes and happy hours. we had just capped off one hell of a decade. i know people my age say we grew up in the 90's, but it was really the 00's when we became adults: maneuvering our way through high school and then college, acknowledging the rough realities of society and the world; and eventually stumbling into careers (or grad schools) to stake our niche to meet these challenges.

by the time 2009 rolled around, we thought we were primed for a new beginning. it was the year barack obama became the 44th president. your uncle vaughn, auntie melissa and i even went to washington dc to see that historic inauguration. but i will get to that part of the story in a little bit...

as i was saying, 2009 started off with a lot of hope. unfortunately as the year progressed, it seemed like there was always another tragedy, another death, another disaster. and to add, the decade ended with the state budget still in the dumps, "the great recession" continuing to afflict our national economy, and a handful of friends and relatives unemployed.

seems like a grim context to start a tale, but kids, this is the story of how i met...

good night, travel well

1. just caught a free advanced screening of "up in the air." i would probably have not made an effort to go to see it, but it turned out to be enjoyable, albeit bittersweet. in this world of constant exchange and excess, motion and movement...it definitely makes you think about who you value and how others may or may not value you.



i'm no 10 million-mile frequent flyer, but i've been on enough flights to have my own system of flying and getting through security as clooney's character does:

- nothing in pockets except i.d. & boarding pass
- eyeglasses over contacts since eyes dry out easily with the recycled airplane ventilation
- slip-on shoes & clear toiletry bag in first bin (jacket too if i'm wearing one)
- laptop in next one
- then personal item (usually backpack)
- and finally my carry-on

the logic: the x-ray technician typically takes a couple extra seconds looking at the silhouettes of my laptop and the mess of cameras and cords in my backpack. this buys me time to put on my shoes and keep tabs on my laptop. and now i've given away my tricks. =X

2. poem quoted from a book i was reading on the bart ride home from the movie

"always keep ithaca in your mind.
to arrive there is your ultimate goal.
but do not hurry the voyage at all.
it is better to let it last for many years,
and to anchor at the island when you are old,
rich with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting that ithaca will offer you riches.

ithaca has given you the beautiful voyage
without her you would have never set out on the road."

- "ithaca" by constantine cavafy (1911)

3. ohhhhh...the e-mails and planning have begun in anticipation of the homecoming of california's prodigal sons and daughters. just a few more weeks until you all are home for the holidays and we are reunited. i wish you all safe travels on your return to ithaca!

let the sun set on this decade

because i can't take anymore
tragedy, loss & heartache

i'd do it all again

you're searching something, i know
won't make you happy

beautiful. melancholy. perfect.

long threads

that sew us close
from city to city
from coast to coast

ones with 10, 20, 30+ messages
ongoing conversations neatly bundled
thanks to the genius of google

so that we can plot, share, discuss, suggest

adventures
apartment bills
birthday dinners
bridesmaid dresses
concerts & events
our next race
primers!
travels
wine

maybe ol' blue eyes had it wrong

outside of the fairway market on broadway & 74th

are you a bear?

huh?
oh...

i've come to accept that strangers will and do talk to me, but i still get caught off-guard when one of these conversations begins.

i realize i'm wearing the cal sweatshirt my brother got me as a gift after i submitted by SIR six years ago.

are you a bear?

yes, i am.
er, i was.
i graduated already.

we walk a few feet down the crowded upper west side sidewalk in between overflowing bins of produce and people rushing by. he puts a hand on my shoulder nearest to him and says,

if you're a bear, you'll make it anywhere.

if you're a bear,
you'll make it anywhere.

seasons & reasons

the seasons here change subtly, and you really have to pay particular attention to notice when it happens. i feel like absence most characterizes the changes.

with the departure of summer, i can no longer smell the sweet scent of jasmine, there are no more roses in bloom and the warmth of the sun leaves us earlier everyday.
------------------------
certain turnings of the seasons are so vivid to me that i can remember exactly what i was doing or what song was playing...

one year ago, i was contentedly plugging away at an excel sheet at work with my headphones on.

they say people in your life are seasons
and anything that happen is for a reason

my mind happened to be lingering on this lyric when the phone rang.
mom was calling and she had that tone that she only uses for the gravest of matters.

i hung up
and didn't believe it because it was only hearsay,
but more so because i didn't want to believe it.
i didn't believe it until the next day
and after a series of tearful phone calls with childhood friends.

finally, i dialed one of the few phone numbers i still have memorized.
the goal: condolences and strength
for a dear teacher, neighbor and friend.
she didn't pick up and instead i got the answering machine.
the recorded greeting was mr. b's cheeful voice.

and it broke my heart from that moment on.
that he would never again interrupt our mini reunions in the brucia living room
    camera in hand, prompting us to say "whiskey!"
    instead of "cheese" at the snap of the shutter
that he got to see me graduate from college,
    but would not see his grandkids do so.
that i assumed he would attend my wedding someday.
that someone so full of life and love was gone.

the grief lingered longer than i expected
as a heavy weight in my chest
in the exasperated sobs that put me to sleep
on many of last october's nights.

the overt sadness eventually faded
and deceivingly manifested itself
as a false sense of urgency
under the guise of a carpe diem attitude.

and when that facade was stripped down,
i relearned how to take my time
and finally came to recognize the
blessings among the blunders,
love within the loss.

r.i.p. mr. b, thank you for sharing your love with the world

these are troubling times, but
while loss changes,
it's only love that truly transforms.

good morning, friends

wanderlove

i've always had a problem with the word wanderlust. as if to say traveling is the mistress tempting us away from the place we call home. who's to say we can't also love the world's wonders? plus no matter how far i roam, nothing could ever diminish my love for the bay.

i'm not gonna lie though: definitely been feeling small pangs of jealousy as i read blogs, catch tweets, or peek photos of the foreign affairs of friends in thailand, the p.i., europe, and elsewhere.

seems like it's been an eternity since i've eaten tiny packages of honey-roasted peanuts or chased the sun through the sky. a vacation long overdue. keeping it domestic, but still very excited. chi-town in exactly one week: let's goooooo!

never can say good bye?

[cc x ee] arc & at-ats

nostalgia part 2

"...in greek, “nostalgia” literally means “the pain from an old wound”.
it’s a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone.
this device isn’t a spaceship, it’s a time machine.
it goes backwards, forwards, takes us to a place where we ache to go again.
it’s not called the wheel. It’s called the carousel.
it lets us travel the way a child travels.
round and around, and back home again.
to a place where we know we are loved"

~don draper

texty texts

ever since we got the family plan with unlimited text, my dad has become the KING of random texts. didn't get to see him today since the parents are in socal, but wanted to share some fun messages he's sent me in the past few months:

It's pouring cats and dogs but no SPCA to catch them. What say you?

You have a tax refund - total of $999. I'll give you 100 cents to make it a thousand. Luv papaya

Got 2 new eyeglasses from Costco this afternoon. They look so good the Optical manager asked if I could be a model for them. Said I'll think about it. Cooool ha?

WATCH OUT! THERE COULD BE A LEPRAUCON UNDER YOUR DESK. WHEN YOU SEE, KEEP YOUR EYES ON IT. DO NOT EVEN BLINK OR IT WILL DISAPPEAR. From St. Pat

It's April 1st. Even fools know how to text!

Mom is getting her hair done. Rhiyana-style.

It's 'Sprimmer'. You know what I mean?

Possible showers tonight could bring May flowers tomorrow then the pilgrims will come to dinner

Mom & I watched Benjamin Button last nite. Slept late. When I woke up this morning I looked younger. Magic!

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO ME, From You

that's my dad. =D always trying to make me smile even when i don't get to see him.

hope you all had a good day....cheers to my dad and yours!

[camilleeon chrons X eyawn eye] city nights

collabo post from londontown to oaktown

nostalgia part 1

early friday night, we three noobs to the albatross experience finally got to see what it is all about. in in our years at berkeley, we only heard the tales of board games, billiards, darts and a popcorn machine.

we walk into the dark pub atmosphere and let our eyes adjust. i glance around at the dingy surroundings and to my excitement i see they have connect four! it had been years since i'd played, so i insist we grab the last set with us on our way to a large round table in the back.

as kay ann and i start playing, nostalgia strikes...

at grandpa q's house my brother and i pull out the connect four set tucked away on the bottom bookshelf behind the tv. between the family photos on the wall and the snowglobes & figurines on the mantle, there is little to keep two young kids entertained for an extended period of time. we begin to play the game and from the kitchen i can smell the sweet combination of flour, sugar & saba and hear the crackle as the maruya mixture hits the frying pan.

this is the only thing i remember my grandpa ever cooking. it became a favorite treat that i wished for on every visit. a simple dish and a simple moment, but a memory that i can still smell, hear, and taste.

i beat kay ann in a second round, so peezy steps up to the challenge. with my renewed connect four skills, i defeat him in four moves (yes, it is possible). i need to get me a copy of this game. =)

shuffle

i've never been a playlist craftsperson. i usually keep the tunes on shuffle with each song becoming a surprise for the soundtrack of life. i find that the appropriate songs usually attach to certain experiences to complete these moments and memories.

with that said, cheers to a weekend on shuffle (& video documentation)...

1. "black or white" - michael jackson

as we wait for our carne asada fries, i decide to slide a dollar into the jukebox. we can't seem to get the first song we want to play so i impatiently start punching semi-random numbers. the result was this song. one of the better mistakes i've made. =)

2. "i'm on a boat" - the lonely island


3. "drift away" - dobie gray

mary of the elephant odyssey exhibit at the sd zoo sways to a nicky classic.

4. "circle of life" - the lion king

this needs a bit more explaining: i had a somewhat similar experience as L did a few weeks ago. for some unknown reason, this song just kept reemerging throughout the weekend.

- thurs: watched "the lion king" as the 2nd film during a movie night in
- fri: richelle blogged about it
- sat: we played it first thing in the morning before leaving for the zoo
- sun: came back home to see this vid under my youtube subscriptions

5. "knock you down" - keri hilson
this song had been in our heads all weekend. in the last few hours of my stay in sd, it inspired a one take session that we completed within the hour before i had to head to the airport.
(check fbook for this vid)
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p.s. the blogosphere feels alive this month! lots of folks making it a point to blog more...i think i will too.

songs in the key of life

if it's magic
then why can't it be everlasting?
like the sun that always shines
like the poets in this rhyme
like the galaxies in time

if it's pleasing
then why can't it be never leaving?
like the day that never fails
like on seashores there are shells
like the time that always tells

bookend encounters

a drizzly february morning.
1st task of the day: purchase snacks for a meeting in sf.
i'm early, and trader joe's is still closed.

alone, i wait, earbuds in, somewhat dazed,
not fully recovered from the spell of sickness
that kept me in bed for half the day before.

8:50am
a man rides up on his bicycle and waits too.
we begin with pleasant small talk,
but the conversation quickly turns
and he starts to vent his
frustrations and anger with
unemployment, hunger, homelessness, authority, life...

our discussion never actually ends.
i don't quite have the right words to say in response.
he trails off and shuffles among the crowd
that is making their way through the store's open doors.

ash wednesday mass that night
i say a little prayer for him.
for better days.
for his peace of mind.
i forget about all this until...


last night.
it's almost 10 o'clock
and i'm just leaving good friday service.

the next bus is in 27 min
so i opt for a less direct route home.

sneaks, jeans, backpack with
hood up over my head
to thwart an unexpected chilly breeze.
i feel like a student again
walking past people's park
reminded of this campus's strange coexistence of
privilege and poverty.

hello. you were sitting next to me at church, right?

yes, i was.

in half a block we exchange niceties & names:
the typical
how do you do?
where are you from?
where are you headed?

then the inevitable
(and these days often touchy)
what do you do?

i give my standard answer
then hesitantly ask him in return.

i'm not into anything at the moment,
but things are just starting to come together for me.
i was homeless for a few years,
but now i have a roof over my head.

we come to the corner of telegraph & dwight
where we are to part ways.

i'm headed in this direction now.
i'm glad to hear that things
are starting to look up for you.

thank you.
what was your name again?

camille.
in case i don't see you,
happy easter.

i extend my arm out for a handshake
and receive
a hug.

made my night

knowing that i started an excellent tradition...

11:45 PM rendell: caaamillleee i just wanted to tell u that our core affirmations that we did when i was a 2nd yr lives on!

lol we've been affirming someone at the end of every core meeting :)

RTs @SaulWilliams

retweeting...

Morning Mantra: To manifest your dreams before you manifest your fears. To Navigate beyond the treachery of self despair.

To find the balance between all you sense and all you see. To find the patience and the strength it takes to let it be.

To stand amongst the crowd and have the strength to hold your own. To throw away the pen and pad and simply BE the poem.

because this is way better than 25 things

and i haven't blogged since before my trip.

1 minute ago: listened to "santana dvx" - lonely island ft. e-40. so. random. but of course hilarious.

1 hour ago: working from home this morning, i took a break to do some much needed running and soul searching. it's a beautiful day, but i'm pretty sure it's going to rain tonight.

1 day ago: immersed in a monday workday. it has been non-stop since i returned from vacation, and i don't think it will slow down anytime soon.

1 month ago: learning to love oakland more. joined kenneth for a hip hop dance class @ new style motherlode on college. appreciating the resources just down the street.

1 year ago: saturday brunch @ 2422, i reveal to mark that i've expanded my job search, applied to a job in downtown and may soon join the oakand lunch crew. =)

other 1min, 1hr, 1dy, 1mo, 1yr
eyawn (the originator)
owen
leeser
adrien
em

the reprise

this is a city and a people due for and deserving of

renaissance, peace, and justice

the easy letdown

i really need to work on not smiling during delivery

double feature saturday

in one day i saw one of the best movies i've seen in a while and one of the worst.

"milk"
won me over with: social justice issues, sf setting, romance, james franco

how could you go wrong with all of that? a truly inspired and inspiring film.

"unborn"
dealbreakers: typical scary movie shortcomings (hot girl whose acting is ehh..., death of the few characters of color) and stringer bell as a priest? what the h?

glad none of my money went to that.

happy promotion, vaughn!

congrats to vaughn for making management!

streets on fire

"injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." - mlk, jr.

a city stirs in response. seeking accountability or anything remotely close to that. authorities have little to say to this call for justice, and the stirrings begin to evoke the ongoing frustrations with this troubled world which for some erupts into rage.


organizing and protest have been important and effective tools for social movements. destruction always seems like a counter intuitive reaction, but i understand the anger. blinded by emotion, they don't see that destruction only leads to more destruction. i recall a documentary i stumbled upon on public tv about a korean family who lost their small video rental business during the la riots. a sad story of an american dream lost to flames in just one night.

this day after, i sense something in the street. not necessarily a fear, but a tension...

i enter the elevator to a conversation:

they must be suspicious of all young people now.

i know, that's why i keep my head down and go on my way.

yeah, i'm gonna leave my car home and keep it in my driveway.

i step out onto the street and before i duck down into the bart station, i hear from a distance that infamous cry:

f*** the police!

this grim reality check reminds me that any change expected in this new year and new era will not come easily. i know there will be many working tirelessly to outshine the darkness of these recent days which gives me hope that there will be a time when the people will once again show their power without violence.

i've been quiet...

...for too long.

post coming soon!