some hypocrisies are too deeply ingrained in my life and personal history to even do anything about. i mean, how do i justify...
...practicing a religion that was imposed on my native people by colonizers?
OR...a berkeley education paid for my father's pharmaceutical sales income?
i'm fully aware of these hypocrisies (or maybe they're more ironies?), but i have decided to leave those be.
then there are those that i know i can choose to make different. what is integrity and credibility anyway? in my mind i know it includes deed following word, and vice versa. which is one of the main reasons i'm planning on making the move back to the east bay. i work for an org that hopes to decrease the effects of climate change by creating better transportation and land use options. all the while, here i am driving my mini-suv to bart and commuting 2 hours a day! some people (esp. my family) don't understand my logic on this. bottom line: i'm living with these inconsistencies and will adjust for them as necessary.
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came in late with watching "the wire," but enjoying it so much now. i love the bits of street philosophy especially when it speaks to what i've been thinking. just watched episode 6 from season 2 where d'angelo in a prison book club discusses the great gatsby:
He's saying that the past is always with us: where we come from, what we go through, how we go through. all that shit matters. It's like you can change up, you can say you somebody, you can give yourself a whole new story. But what came first is who you really are. And what happen before is what really happened. And it don't matter that some fool say he different...cuz the only thing that make you different is what you really do, or what you really go through...Gatsby, he was who he was and he did what he did. And cuz he wasn't ready to get real with the story, that shit caught up to him.-------------------------------------
in other camille hypocrisies...WHAT THE EFF was i thinking on saturday? had a fitness afternoon running around gg park and playing soccer & ultimate with the co-workers. then ruined it all with an evening of over-partying that ended badly (to say the least). sore muscles and hungover is never a good combo. that ish caught up with me, and i paid for it.
1 comment:
i feel you on church, totally...i really do believe in God but when i hear catholics speak against abortion, pre-marital sex, and homosexuality, i feel that i'm somewhere where i'm not welcome or don't belong or even want to be. as far as dad's job...no reason to feel bad. he was a salesman, not a CEO...we lived pretty damn good growing up--parents were there for us all the time and we had no financial worries. you gotta eat and dad more than put food on the table for the family before he retired (not to say you're not ungrateful for the sacrifices mom and dad made/make for us).
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