if only...

...we could always

eat/drink/dance/laugh together

but we're ambitious, or some ish like that...haha

i guess the miles & months that separate us only make weekends like this THAT much more special.

(congrats to the class of 2008! it's your turn to enjoy the life)

post-collegiate life

thinking of the graduations and finals and job searching that some friends are going through right now, i can honestly say that i'm really glad to be in this immediate post-college phase. i don't understand why i heard some people say this time sucks. HA! this time is nice: low stress & drama plus a little extra money to spend here & there.

and to prove my point...check out the major decisions i need to make in the near future:

should i wear regular running gear or a costume to bay to breakers on sunday?
should i go on the vegas trip in june?

decisions, decisions...

living and dealing with hypocrisies

EVERYBODY has them.
some hypocrisies are too deeply ingrained in my life and personal history to even do anything about. i mean, how do i justify...

...practicing a religion that was imposed on my native people by colonizers?

OR

...a berkeley education paid for my father's pharmaceutical sales income?

i'm fully aware of these hypocrisies (or maybe they're more ironies?), but i have decided to leave those be.

then there are those that i know i can choose to make different. what is integrity and credibility anyway? in my mind i know it includes deed following word, and vice versa. which is one of the main reasons i'm planning on making the move back to the east bay. i work for an org that hopes to decrease the effects of climate change by creating better transportation and land use options. all the while, here i am driving my mini-suv to bart and commuting 2 hours a day! some people (esp. my family) don't understand my logic on this. bottom line: i'm living with these inconsistencies and will adjust for them as necessary.

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came in late with watching "the wire," but enjoying it so much now. i love the bits of street philosophy especially when it speaks to what i've been thinking. just watched episode 6 from season 2 where d'angelo in a prison book club discusses the great gatsby:

He's saying that the past is always with us: where we come from, what we go through, how we go through. all that shit matters. It's like you can change up, you can say you somebody, you can give yourself a whole new story. But what came first is who you really are. And what happen before is what really happened. And it don't matter that some fool say he different...cuz the only thing that make you different is what you really do, or what you really go through...Gatsby, he was who he was and he did what he did. And cuz he wasn't ready to get real with the story, that shit caught up to him.

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in other camille hypocrisies...WHAT THE EFF was i thinking on saturday? had a fitness afternoon running around gg park and playing soccer & ultimate with the co-workers. then ruined it all with an evening of over-partying that ended badly (to say the least). sore muscles and hungover is never a good combo. that ish caught up with me, and i paid for it.

opposites

hands down one of my favorite blogs right now is "the glamourbaby trails" by ruby of ill-literacy. ever since her "SAVE CHIVALRY. Please?" post, i've been following pretty regularly.

in a recent post, she wrote about being ruled too much by her emotions when she writes. that struck me because i'm the exact opposite...worrying that i'm too ruled by composure. i looked at my blog in the past couple months, and found that no where do i reveal the overwhelming joy & gratitude i've been feeling during this time. that kind of stuff i usually hide away in my head or the journal. so proclaiming now to share more of my emotional vulnerability...which i should not confuse with weakness but think of as revelations of the heart.
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pre-pcn @ venus on shattuck: raspberry & chocolate chip pancakes plus chicken sausage scramble brunch shared by two "more-than-twin-best-homies" (self-proclaimed due to similar life circumstances like becoming the presidents/execs of their respective student cultural organizations). two dear friends who are similar in many ways, but very different in others.

one plays with the concept of being single right now because she's been in relationships for most of the past 5 years: "there are some goals that i feel like i need to accomplish on my own." the other who has been single responds "yah, it's cool doing your own thing, but sometimes there's some adventures that are better shared with another person." they sip their hot cocoa and ponder the enigma, not with self-pity but with self-awareness because whichever circumstance it is...life is still so good right now.