why don't we go down there to find your place?
monday morning he phoned me from the kitchen, leaving a voicemail saying,
CJ, CJ, wake up! we have to go. ok, CJ...wake up.
and off we went. the two of us drove down not knowing how long the search would take.
we'll stay until you find a place. i packed a bag for a week.
i hope it doesn't take that long!a few days earlier i booked a cheap hotel online located at wilshire & western for two nights figuring we could always extend our stay as needed. arriving in the late afternoon, i hopped on my computer, browsing listings, making phone calls and scheduling appointments while he took a nap. later we walked to dinner nearby. over all-you-can-eat korean bbq, we cordially argued about the present-day relevance of labor unions. then called it a night.
tuesday morning, i checked the postings again. on craigslist, there was a new listing almost too good to be true. everything i had been looking for at the right price. there were no photos included which made me wary of the accuracy of the description. it had only been posted 30 minutes earlier so i rushed to send a response right away. in the elevator on the way back from breakfast, i got a voicemail from the manager with the exact address of the apartment. we headed there right away hoping to be able to view it.
upon arriving, the manager wasn't answering her phone. stuck waiting around, i walked across the street to check out another vacancy sign posted on a gate. "camille?" a girl asked as i stood on the sidewalk waiting for the maintenance guy of this building to show me the apartment. it was the younger sister of a a high school classmate. she was living west hollywood but happened to be visiting a friend in the area. we caught up for a little bit, and she recommended checking out her neighborhood for vacancy postings.
we made our way to weho only to finally receive a phone call from the manager of the "too-good-to-be-true" apartment to come see the it right away. we returned, and i went in by myself, folder of paperwork and checkbook in hand. i loved it and applied then and there. spent the rest of the day gathering additional application materials. after preparing all the documents at kinko's, we celebrated with sushi and ice cream.
wednesday morning, we checked out of the hotel. the two nights i had initially booked turned out to be enough for the task. i submitted the extra materials, deposit and first month's rent checks, and the place was practically mine. i took my dad inside to get his seal of approval. not that it was required. in our adulthood, i've appreciated that dad [and mom] have let us make our own decisions trusting that they have raised us well enough to make good choices. but i wanted the affirmation because it was not possible without him. it was a mission we accomplished together, in less than 48 hours at that. content in our achievement, we headed home, taking detours at porto's for breakfast and in santa barbara for lunch with my great aunt.
thursday was for an ikea run, loading up the u-haul and saying final farewells. then it was back to LA on friday with dad behind the wheel of the moving truck, and mom and me driving in the car. over the next few days, we worked to transform my new apartment into my new home. living without electricity and visiting the corner taco truck for sustenance.
are you happy?
he asked because that's what all the effort was for and that's all he wanted for me. the answer a year ago was whole-heartedly yes as everything seemed to be falling into place as i had hoped. but my heart has broken many times since then. others have said that loss has taught them to live better, love better. but i've been too distracted, too exhausted and too sad to give it a good try. maybe reflecting on the past year is a step. or maybe for right now, it's okay to finally stay still in the grief and just miss him.
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