diving for hearts

"so i peeled off my skin,
just slipped right in
and i become alive
'cause down here there's no fear 

there's no cause for panic
there's just bright cold calm
yea, i feel no harm
this underwater feeling's abandon and it fires my heart" 

1. on many fair-weather days since march, i've tried to get out to do laps in our apartment complex pool. i'm not the most-skilled swimmer, but i enjoy it. it brings me a peace of mind that [i am ashamed to admit] i haven't felt with other loves (i.e. running, photography) lately.

what do you think about when you swim? it's funny...since i always swim outside, i have a similar mantra as when i run: "i'm tracing a thin line between the ground/water and the sky." the concept somehow humbles and calms me at the same time.

as i got to higher number laps during one swim session, i started thinking about what i was doing at that age. lap 22: f-in 2-2, graduation, london, ibiza, philippines. lap 23: first job, moving to oakland, presidential election. then as i got past 26, i started wondering where i'd be. 

2. hawaii seems like a dream. the last afternoon we were there: even in the rough waters behind our ewa beach vacation rental, i was so content clinging to a boogie board off-shore, looking across the water towards honolulu with a rainbow hovering above pearl harbor and the sun setting behind me.

3. it's quite often that i have to explain to people that i am allergic to fish. since dad has been helping with a family friend's tuna business, it's been a more frequent occurrence. my dad has recently come up with an entertaining new twist to the explanation which he used over father's day dinner on sunday: "she's allergic to fish because she used to be a mermaid. she can't eat her own kind."

4. dad drops me off after dinner and i settle into my sunday night with a manicure session. coincidentally, my cousin tweets the name of an opi nail polish color. they always have fun names for their nail polishes. i contemplate using the new blue/green color i picked up at a japanese beauty shop in hawaii. i check the bottom of the bottle to see what it is called: memaid's tears

it's 9am in the philippines

i imagine my mom is still jet-lagged from her flight and my dad has made his way back to manila from bali.

the house in merville filled with relatives, food, and sadness.

aloha from hawaii!

thanks to those who gave suggestions for this playlist. pre-vacation crunch permitted me from uploading and sharing it until now. it's all good because i was able to make the playlist art on the plane ride here. whether or not the sun is shining where you are, i hope that this auditory experience can transport you to your own island paradise.

git it